Saturday, February 27, 2010


What's up all y'all? You don't have to answer that. I just said it to be polite.

So, all my wisdom teeth are gone now. And I am left with a few extra holes in my head (for another 10 days I'm told). Also, the inside of my mouth feels like someone hit it with a bat - the illegal corked kind. When I had my lower ones pulled 20 years ago I was asleep. This time I was wide awake. Good times.

I have a very authentic fear of going to the dentist. It started when I was a kid. Every trip to the dentist included wearing what were basically teethless dentures filled with "cherry" flavored fluoride. As if brushing twice a day, flossing and drinking fluoridated water wasn't enough. We had to get fluoride teeth baths every 6 months. The fluoride burned. It was 10 minutes of cherry flavored lava searing your teeth and gums into good health.

Later in life I was at a different dentist for a root canal. Just as I lay back in the chair and the drill is coming closer there is a huge flash of light and the sound of electrocution followed by an explosion. About 18 inches to my left. The dental assistant laughingly says, "Oh gosh, that thing has had a water leak for weeks. It was only a matter of time." Really? 68,000 rpm electric drill controller is leaking water and we are just waiting around for it to pop?

If you are uninformed or a little hazy on the details of a root canal I will break it down for you. They drill out the center of your tooth down to the roots, which they then extract or grind away. This is followed by a chemical bath to kill bacteria and then another chemical is used to fill in the empty void that is now your tooth. After the filling sets the tooth gets a crown which, according to the dentist, helps prevent your tooth from shattering in your mouth while you are eating or at a loud concert. Yeah, I've had that nightmare too.

After the smoke clears I'm moved to another room where the procedure is resumed. The dentist begins to drill into my teeth. Wheeeeeeeerrrrrrrrreeeeeeee SNAP! "Oops, broke a drill bit." Change bit. Whiiiiiiirrrrrrreeeeeeerrrrrreeeeeerrrrrrriiiiiiii SNAP! "Oops, broke another bit." Change bit...aaand 3 drill bits later It's all done. Later on I learn that there was some bacteria still left behind so the thing had to be done all over again. Good times.

Now, my recent upper Wisdom teeth extraction, Novocaine only, wide awake baby! Needle in cheek..."AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!! My face is on FIRE!!!". Dentist: "Oops, must have hit an artery." How is it that they can be so calm all the time? After my face calmed down and I stopped crying everything went pretty smoothly. And, apparently, the artery thing is pretty common.

Hence my fear of going to the dentist. Therefore, I brush and floss all the time. Riiight. Happy February.

1 comment:

Brandi said...

Seriously...I would just let my teeth fall out if I were you. Yikes!