Reinventing foolishness since 1970
What the heck are you even talking about?
Monday, January 02, 2017
Happy New Year(s)!!
Thursday, September 29, 2011
Monkey is Gone
Saturday, September 24, 2011
Monkey is Out of Lives
"These are all clean and ready to be put away." |
However, this week he took a turn for the worse. The vet said that his blood work indicates that his thyroid is normal (which happens when a kitty is sick); but it's possible that he could have also been riding the cancer coaster up till now.
Whatever the prognosis, we're told that it would take a miracle for him to recover - but it's not impossible, just nearly impossible.
He's at the vet this weekend for critical care and we think he's close to meeting Jesus (or Satan, depending on who you ask). We'll know more when we go back on Monday to pick him up.
Please keep him in your thoughts and prayers.
Sunday, September 11, 2011
Oh Duckface, You're Still Here?
I think the idea is to attempt a devil-may-care posture, leading us to believe that you are either a model or just want to appear shallow.
It might be working...
Especially when there are 7 million other pictures of you on Facenbook that look exactly the same.
Now, I don't think that ALL duckface pictures are evil. But when ALL of your pictures are duckface we must conclude that... A) your face is stuck that way... or, B) you can't remember how to smile.
Just pick a new face to make. Because, seriously, the one you keep making looks ridiculous.
Oh, and finger-stache, I'm coming after you next...
Sunday, September 04, 2011
Top Ten Reasons Why I Want A #Hashtag Membership
If I had a membership to the #Hashtag I would definitely use it for good and not evil. Here are the top ten reasons why I think a membership would be cool.
10. You have to have a card or know the secret code to get through the door. People only use that kind of security to keep you away from cool stuff like nuclear bombs, aliens or Keyboard Cat.
9. You can write on the walls
8. The free music is somehow beamed in wirelessly from space.
7. Hello! Exposed brick!!
6. The shared conference room is an exact replica of the one on the Starship Enterprise (Original series). The chairs are rumored to actually be from the first episode.
5. You are sandwiched between the world’s best cup of coffee and a friggin cupcake shop!
4. Hello! Exposed concrete!!
3. Because the desks are all on wheels you could, theoretically, make one very long conference table. Will you look impressive shouting to your client from the opposite end while chilling in your Star Trek chair? No. But they will finally know what it feels like when they do this to you.
2. If I forget my anniversary I can just go next door to Twee and buy my wife something cool, like socks.
1. #Hashtag is always clean, well organized, looks very professional and has great lighting. My home office is dark, unorganized and basically looks destined for an episode of Hoarders (or Pickers, depending on your perspective). It would be nice to finally get away from the office that I use to get away from the office.
Sunday, November 28, 2010
To Rick Reilly, ESPN
I decided to help Mr. Reilly understand and wrote him this...
I believe in forgiveness and I believe that once a person has paid for their crimes, meeting the requirement of the law, they should be free to live their lives. Under the law he may have paid for his crimes but I think its naive of you to think that people who care about animals will ever forget about what he did, or welcome him back with loving arms into their homes. Forgiving and forgetting are two different matters. Especially when the law fails to require sufficient punishment.
No matter how contrite or how much community service Michael Vick performs he still did what he did. Michael Vick considered the lives of living beings as worthless. The judge declared that Vick's actions were not a momentary lapse in judgment but that Vick was a "full partner" in the dog-fighting ring.
How quick would you be to forget Vick's crimes if it was your dog that he had tortured? What if it was your dog that was thrown into a ring with a pillowcase over its head, enduring multiple fights, defenseless, so that other dogs could "train"? What if Vick electrocuted or drowned your dog because it was no longer useful? You may be able to forgive but how would you feel seeing that man re-accepted by the media, a new team, and the sports-watching public?
If you are your true self when no one is watching, when no one was watching he was a very very bad man. Is he sorry now only because we are watching? I think this is the question that sits heavy on the hearts of animal lovers. He saw the consequences of his actions every day but did not quit. He saw the mutilated dogs, or at least (according to testimony) knew what was being done to them on his property, but did not stop it.
He stood by while animals were killed for sport. But the law does not take that into account.
His deeds came to light and he went to prison. Now he forgoes the company of his old friends. He speaks at shelters and for animal rights groups. He is living right and treating the world better. But for over five years he participated in extreme animal cruelty. He had five years to stop. And did not. This was not a chemical addiction. This was not a psychological dependency.
I met a woman this last weekend that lost her best friend and is herself now troubled by epilepsy because of a drunk driver hitting her car. It was his 11th DUI. Driving drunk one time is bad. But some judge allowed him to drive after 10 DUIs. She believes it was because that man had money.
He could have stopped. He should have stopped. But he was not required to. His penalty for taking a life was the same as if it were his first offense. He paid the price, according to the law. But justice was not served.
Spend some time at dog shelter. Get up close and see what their lives are reduced to, coming out of situations like Vick's Pits. You can't help but wonder, "How could someone continue to allow this to happen? How could a person continually do this to another living being?"
Who knows the final number of dogs maimed, tortured and killed. Eighteen months in prison and 2 months of probation, punishment for his crimes. He's paid the price, according to the law. But justice was not served.
I do not hate Michael Vick. But the law failed those of us who value life. Some of us believe in it's sanctity. Don't you dare ask us to forget.
Friday, November 12, 2010
Now That I'm 40
This was written in July and actually posted to facenbook. But facenbook is not public and besides I want to delete the stupid Word doc with all this so might as well post it here too.
Enjoy...
Now that I'm 40 I'm pretty sure everyone wants me to drop my nuggets of wisdom…that obviously come with being old. Most of these have amazing stories behind them...most of which I have forgotten.
40 nuggets would be appropriate but I got tired of writing and needed a nap.
1. When I was 17 I thought that I had time to burn. It was like I was watching a giant candle smolder slowly through the night. Now that I’m 40 the candle has somehow turned into a sparkler. And some little kid is waving it around all crazy. “Hey, hold that still, you’re gonna burn down the house!”
2. Asking your wife, "Is that what you're wearing?" is not how you find out if she is ready to go. This phrase will most assuredly end with no one going anywhere. This is an "end game" scenario. Do not try to fix it. The damage is done. Any words that happen to fall out beyond this point (like, "I'm sorry" or "Baby, you look great in that") will be forged into coffin nails for later use.
Of course, if you do say this phrase - and are smart enough to realize your mouth has just launched a cluster grenade - you MIGHT be able to recover it by quickly following with, "...because I don't think you can get any more beautiful!"
3. When I was a teenager I arrogantly grouped most everyone older than me into the "useless" category. Now that I'm 40 I've expanded that group to include most teenagers.
4. I have lived long enough for my generation’s music to make a “comeback.” When did it ever leave?
5. With frightening accuracy my parent’s warnings about my future life have all come to pass. Except the one about “You’ll see, when you have kids.” But that’s probably only because I haven’t had any kids yet.
6. I used to be the center of the universe. When did that change?
7. Take care of your teeth and your hair. Brush them both softly.
8. I used to think that people at 40 were ancient. I mean, they didn’t appreciate any of my music, didn’t understand my hair and clothing choices and were just totally out of touch with what was going on in the world.
Oh man. Is that what kids are thinking about me?
10. God loves you, no matter what. Just ignore that guy on TV.
11. Now That I’m 40 I have learned, contrary to my Brother and Wife, that driving over the speed limit while constantly changing lanes and passing everyone is a complete waste. It may gain you a little time but it will cost you much more in lost gas mileage and possible tickets.
Example:
A 240 mile trip at 65mph will take approximately 3 hours and 42 minutes, assuming your car gets 30mpg on the highway. At that speed you will consume 8 gallons of gasoline. At $3 per gallon that's $24 bucks.
However, mpg decreases over 60/65mpg for most cars. So, if you drive 80mph your gallon of gas will actually cost you $3.72 or $29.76. That's almost 6 dollars more! And what’s even worse: constant passing, braking and accelerating can add an additional 30% to the cost of your fuel.
Now your speeding and reckless driving will make your trip cost $38.69, all so you can get there 45 minutes sooner.
Only someone over 40 would take the time to research and calculate all this.
12. Just because you are talking and everyone else is laughing doesn’t mean that you are funny.
13. Real love is a choice, not a compulsion.
14. “Young Folks” by Peter, Bjorn & John is so rad!
15. Finish college. It doesn’t matter if your degree is in Ancient History or P.E. – just having one matters.
16. Don’t get in to something you don’t want to have to get out of.
17. Credit cards lie. Learn to balance your own checkbook and stop spending when you are out of money.
18. Don’t yell at or insult other drivers. They can’t hear you and they don’t care. If you must yell at them, make sure you have a good one prepared ahead of time.
“You need to get your license checked!” is not a good one.
19. Be consistent. “Unpredictable” is fun but you’ll find that most people will keep their distance.
20. Remember that other people have bad days too. Choose every morning to have a little grace for the people you meet. “A kind word in time of need is like water to one on fire.” or something like that.
21. Finding your soulmate requires you to stop looking.
22. It's pronounced "Or dervs" not "Whores De Vores"
23. Just smile and keep waving.
24. Skip dessert. Always.
Saturday, September 04, 2010
Septembre
Sara's internship search is going well. She is such a hard worker and I'm so proud of her! There is a possibility that she will get to work at the place that she really wants to (secret place, for now) so be praying for that opportunity to continue to open up.
"Dear Lord, please help Sara get the thing at that one place, amen."I know once she gets in the door they will all fall in love with her and make her president of all the whole world...or something like that.
Spike, Cinnamon, Monkey and Stinky are all doing great. Well, Monkey has been losing weight like crazy - he's skeletal. I tried to ask him what his secret was and it turns out he has some kind of tumor ("It's not a tooomer", yes, actually, it is.). We give him medicine but it's hard to tell if it's working or not. He's still the same cat though, ruler (in his mind) of all the other animals. He and Spike will tag-team if there is ever any food left out on the counter; Monkey knocks it to the floor and then he and Spike dig in. Monkey is the instigator and Spike is the cleanup crew, eating the evidence - paper plate, sausage mcmuffin wrapper, etc.
As some of you already know, "Jason is less employed this month than he has been in previous months." But this time is shaping up to be a good learning experience and great opportunity! The learning experience has been to not put all your chickens in one basket. The great opportunity is that my business Zeromile Design is being resurrected and I am once again able to do the thing I really love to do - design and build Web sites!
I know God has great things ahead for us and we are just trying to trust Him. Does He really ask for anything more?
Cheers,
Jason
Friday, August 20, 2010
Sunday, May 30, 2010
Anonymous, I Bid Thee Adieu
I'm a little tired of deleting the posts so I am turning off anonymous posting.
If you want to post, then use your Google/Blogger/OpenID account. Otherwise you will have to just keep your comments to yourself.